To every beginning there is an end.
Disclaimer: My mind maybe a bit all over the place so please bear with me if this is a little harder to read.
I have been feeling emotionally very down for the past two weeks this feeling would mostly overwhelm me at night as my mind would begin to think of past relationships, insecurities, the things I had hoped to achieve by now etc. I truly hoped this would pass but I realised this was affecting me academically and blogging (the one thing I truly love to do). I have a whole calendar planned out and over the past weeks a constant feeling of being tired would engulf me when I wanted to continue with my assignments, which led me to not doing anything feeding into my anxiety and fears of running out of time and maybe thinking I am in over my head trying to do another Honours degree after 5 years. It’s hard to pick up on this change in me seeing as I complete my daily tasks without any issues e.g.: working out, cooking at home etc.
I decided to remain patient with myself and try to feel each day as it happens, but I’ve been having a recurring thought for a while now so I prayed about it coupled with mini self-talks have led me to the decision to pause my blog for a few months. It’s emotional for me seeing as this is the place I come to in order to express myself and connect with you but honestly I hate creating sub-par pieces and I feel that is exactly what I would do if I ignored my current state of feeling. What I do know is I feel at peace writing this which means I am making the best decision for myself and that is what matters most. The blog was beginning to feel like a chore and was stressing me out when I felt I wasn’t creating enough or having enough guest contributors.
In this time of uncertainty, we need to check in with ourselves daily and figure out how we feel about things and what is important to us. The blog being on pause means that someday I will be back in full swing, I just ask for patience and understanding while figure myself out. More importantly just because I won’t be writing on here for a while does not mean I won’t publish work by guest contributors so don’t rule the blog out completely.
I realised I never really explained the blog name and why I created this platform so indulge me as I go back a little.
As a black womxn growing up I never found truly black spaces that showed people like myself who grew up in similar households that I could easily connect to. Thinking back to the teen magazines I would ask my Mother to buy I realise now that they all probably had about 5% black girls (ya neh). The world evolving introduced me to Tumblr, a space I LOVED seeing as it allowed for people to ‘be’ without judgement and also allowed me to write freely and I slowly was exposed to more black womxn creatives or just normal black girls but still there was a disconnect.
So when the idea of the blog came into mind I wanted it to be a space where regular black womxn could identify , where our stories could be told by us to us without judgement, where the freedom to create was there and where you didn’t need to over explain how you grew up cause you probably would just get it. I also never wanted this blog to be about just me and that is why I tried my best to get as many other black womxn on here. I know a speck of the world and thought it would be cooler if everyone shared a little bit of themselves and we created the multifaceted beings we are daily but on a digital platform. Imagine if this exact same blog was around when you were a teenager and you could identify yourself in different people and be shown the world through lenses that are similar yet also slightly different from yours.
The blog still has a lot to achieve, I truly wanted it to be all encompassing from our deepest hurts to our fun light-hearted sides. I want this to be a space you can identify with, feel free to engage with and if you leave learning something new even better. Nothing is off limits here and will ever be. The idea of a virtual sisterhood is something I want to accomplish no matter how long it takes. Thank you for being on this ride with me so far it warms my heart when you share yourselves with me and trust me with the stories of your life.
Let us never forget to kind to each other and to listen to one another.
So, until we meet again remember to be true to yourself and your journey.