Frustration might just kill this cat.
So for the most part I have stayed pretty calm during this global pandemic we are facing simply because it didn’t change my day to day schedule much but its until I saw that one of my main goals and was causing a ripple effect on my other goals that it started to get to me.
I honestly thought I was doing well until about a week back during a midnight prayer session of mine I just started bawling. My prayers are kind of mini diary sessions think (KUWTK style). I tend to speak out loud and in this one session I just began expressing how I felt disappointed that God said yes to this one dream of mine last year and has delayed it like this for me.
It felt like for the first time I was feeling prepared for a big race, getting my mind, spirit and body together only for the race to get cancelled. Like I wasn’t the one who pulled the plug out it’s the universe but dammit it sucks! Venting helps because once I get out all these pinned up negative emotions, I feel so light and can refocus my energies on my goals again.
I know this won’t last forever and, in the meantime, I just need to remind myself of that. If I was to be real with myself, I wasn’t half as mentally ready as I claimed to be for this year, so this ‘pause’ in life is allowing me to find my ducks and actual put them in a row.
It will still all come together when it’s meant to, I will still have my victory lap and yes its frustrating, anxiety filled, a little negative on some days but with each passing day is a hope that is still in me that I will have the year I want. No matter how bad things may be now I still would take this over 2019 (that should tell you a lot!).
I hope you are being kind to yourself. If this serves as a time to rest for you then rest. If this is a time for you to work on yourself then do that and if this is a time for you to just learn to be still, then be still.
Take care of yourself.