Disclaimer: A big part of me having this blog is to allow experiences to be shared as openly as possible in a safe space. Daddy Issues Part 1 allowed me to share my own journey so far with added material that could help you assess your own parental relationship. Link to Part 1: https://bare20.blog/2020/03/26/daddy-issues-1/
So, the last blog post might have been a little too heavy, I kind of admit I threw you (and myself) in the deep end. Many of us try to avoid looking into our past but when it begins to affect your present and possibly your future then you just need to bite the bullet and sort it out.
I however had to do a bit of research for part 2 seeing as I am writing about an issue that I am currently still dealing with and have never sought professional assistance with in order to get the right tools to help accept, cope and move forward. So, I guess we both learning and healing together. So let’s just get to it:
Okay so we kind of get how and why these relationships can influence us let’s take a look at the the tools suggested we can use to help deal with the issue:
- Get to know yourself.
- Get to know your father and start the process of healing (if possible).
- Investigate your father’s family history so that it can help you examine and evaluate any behavioural patterns that need to be recognised and transformed.
Here is another set of ways that suggested for fatherless daughters to recover from rejection.
- Look at it objectively and not emotionally.
- Examine how it your life.
- Reclaim your power.
- Feel your feelings.
- Surround yourself with positive people.
Looking at the first list number 2 will be the hardest part for me. I simply don’t think I want to know him , I don’t mind knowing of him but knowing him means I must open myself to trusting him and personally don’t think he is worthy of that but everything else I can attempt to do in order to get the ball rolling.
Now this last part is to the active parent who is raising a child without much help from the other party. Just know that you are doing the best that you can and I am sure you have tried keeping the channels of communication open with your child and their parent but please (I am begging) if it is not reciprocated from the adult involved then cut it off.
Children can sense things and you don’t want to force someone down their throats simply because they ‘helped make them’. Also open the dialogue with your child, see if they want to still be in contact with their other bio-parent and what they feel is lacking. Communicate it to the other party and see if it will improve their relationship. Essentially protect your child even if its from their own parent, children deserve consistency, effort and love.
I can’t end this blog post without acknowledging the crisis we are facing all over the world. These are uncertain and hard times, I urge you to take care of yourselves and follow the rules put in place by those in charge of your countries in order to help protect you and each other. Please try to communicate regularly esp. those in lockdown situations.
I really feel we can get through this together, we just need to bite the bullet and do our part.