This is a follow up blog piece from the one titled: ‘Tse bohloko ha di fele’. The first piece was centred around venting the emotions that go with heartbreak and this piece will look at tools to assist with healing.
Link to the first post: Break-ups suck.
I am sure we have been told this countless time that healing is not a linear process much like grieving. One minute you could be buried in tears laying on the floor in foetus position and the next week you could feel like a new person ready to tackle anything that comes your way. The process is genuinely a rollercoaster ride and most of the times you don’t know what you are doing.
This is not my first rodeo (in terms of heartbreak that is) but I’ve come to realise that I generally don’t process my emotions well. I can easily suppress my feelings months dare I say years trying cling unto relationships that should have ended by keeping up the façade of just wanting a friendship. Instead of actually dealing with the pain caused I wanted to act like the cool girl (unbothered by it all).
It’s like putting a plaster on a dog bite, it’s pointless because you know you need to go to a doctor and get it checked out but no you’d rather internally suffer until the pain is unbearable.
I’ve delayed my own healing process in the past but I’ve decided to nip this habit in the bud no matter how long it takes me. I used the wonderful internet and stumbled unto 3 main sources that are helping me figure it could be of assistance to you too.
Let’s first do some groundwork, I encourage you take the love language & attachment style test. These will help you figure out how you express love and want it expressed back. It will allow you to review your relationships and figure out how they could have either reinforced the way you wanted to be loved or not.
Amy Lee ( one my favourite YouTubers) explains a bit more on the attachment styles and has links to the tests you can take:
Amy Lee: Why love is hard for you.
After taking the tests you get a sense of where you are now but you still need to do the internal. Thanks to Twitter I found Dr. Thema’s YouTube channel, she’s a minister & psychologist.
Her weekly videos are meant to help you get back to yourself, each video comes with homework that you get to do which means you are actually putting in the work to heal holistcally. I will be dedicating myself to her channel and the journey of unpacking different unhealed wounds until I feel I have connected to my true authentic self (I’m excited 😁).
Lastly but not least I found a well-structured document on strategies to deal with break-ups with practical the steps on what you should do to move on. I created a mini diagram to illustrate the points & have linked the document.
We will never script out when and how they do but what we can narrate is how we deal with them. I’d like to come out on the other end of this happier and sure of myself. The actions I am taking will make that happen for me. Choose yourself through it all.