I said August would be a good month and honestly, it has been (all 7 days of it). Nothing out of the ordinary has happened but I feel good every day and I intend to feed off of this energy for as long as I can.
However, it’s easy to not want to face parts of you when things are well. I’ve instead challenged myself to tackle some issues that I have, seeing as I can be more objective in my current mental state. I do not want to sweep things under the carpet and create this big monster that will attack me at my lowest.
This year has seen me say bye to people who have been around for a while and also who probably overstayed their welcome. It was in a recent situation when someone I cared about had decided to try to use me for their own benefit. They had already developed this pattern with me and I enabled it.
I had expressed exactly how they made me feel & tried distancing myself in the hope that they would do better but the cycle would repeat itself.
I have come to realise that I find it hard to detach from some people.
It’s one of my worst traits. I get it into my mind that I don’t want to give up on this person cause they deserve a chance to prove themselves and be supported into being a better person but wow I’ve seen how easy people I loved detached from me and that shit hurts.
It triggers a relationship I wish I would have with a primary figure in my life. I say primary meaning one of the first few important relationships you get exposed to eg: the family that raises you.
I now mimiced how I wanted to keep this primary person around through all these other relationships. Theses relationships would also mimic the patterns of the person, triggering me.
But lately I’ve seen a shift in my interactions after ending the on and off with my biological parent all other relations that felt hard to cut off came easy and honestly I feel good but how do I make this a permanent thing?
How can I learn to emotionally detach when I won’t get closure or even if I get it how to just move on?
Let me make this clear emotional attachment when balanced is a great thing but when it’s not you might have a very strong urge to want to control things. The issue is not the passion that comes with being attached but the delusional thinking.
1.Human cognitive limits: Human beings can do a limited number of things at once. Indifference is key to surviving.
2. Passion is wonderful if people care about you too. There are times when learning not to give a shit the best short term solution.
But how do you know if your attachment isn’t healthy anymore?
How do you know you’re attached in a negative sense?
You have feelings of anxiety, fear, anger, jealousy, hopelessness, sadness, disconnection, pride and vanity.
At some stage I felt some of these emotions but it’s easy to ignore things when you love and care for people.
So now let’s look at emotionally detaching but in a healthy way.
Detachment is a state of being objective or being aloof.
-A detached person will avoid situations or people that make them feel anxious or uncomfortable. Even physically separate themselves.
-A detached person takes a step and understands what things add value to their lives. They clear the clutter from their life.
What is emotional detachment:
Meaning 1: Inability to connect with others on an emotional level also known as ’emotional numbing’.
Meaning 2: Mental assertiveness that allows people to maintain their boundaries when faced with emotional demands of another person/s.
I want to focus on the second meaning in this post. Have we created clear boundaries with the people we care about? Do you even know what your boundaries truly are? What is your limit?
I’ve honestly come to learn my boundaries along the way. The situations I’ve been in have helped me slowly know my limit but I still need to set them in stone for myself and for others.
It is good to learn to the fine art of emotional detachment — so the poison around you does not infect your wouund.
Why is detachment needed in relationships:
1. You don’t seek validation over your own opinions.
2. You are the master of your own life & you set your own boundaries.
3. Maintain the optimum amount of distance essential of growth.
We all need to be able to take a step back and disconnect.
But how exactly do you detach? What can you do to make sure you are ridding yourself of your past that will positively affect your growth as well?
As bad or good as some relationships end they all come with lessons.
How to detach:
1. Observe your mind & accept reality.
2. Distinguish between the vice of your who and the actual situation.
3. Embrace uncertainty.
4. Meditate on it.
5. Don’t beat yourself up for falling into old habits.
6. Learn to react less.
7. Create a new balance for yourself.
8. Practice self-care.
9. Give yourself credit.
It will take a lot of time to unpack your relationships but take the time to do so. Think of how they made you feel, what they taught you, question your role in it and see what new lesson you can take with you.
The more time you take fully emerging yourself in it the less it will hinder you in the future. All this work you are doing is for you so please take the time to do it .❤
” Indifference is as important as passion.” – Ann Michael
Side note: all the highlighted words are from other written pieces, none of that is my own work.