This post won’t be long at all instead I want it to be a reminder to anybody who reads it that the world is better with you in it and I’m happy you still here.
This year is easily the worst emotional year I’ve had since my grandfather’s death 5 years ago. Everything that is anything is literally going south. I’ve questioned my existence so much in the past 6 months. I’ve been operating on tears on most days so trust me when I say I’m seeing more dark than light.
The past few weeks I’ve had to say goodbye to important people in my life some have been cause of my wrongdoing and others cause they put themselves and others above our relation. So it’s been weird. Add an inconsistent parent in and out of my life as of late and you’ve got yourself a mess.
Yet the only thing that makes sense is this blog. The one thing I’m confident it is this. I got a tattoo on Friday and my heart was full of pure joy for the first time in a while. It’s very personal to where I am in my life. I feel like I’m literally stumbling at every turn but I’m still picking myself up.
So I guess this post is to basically say, dude, you are still here and I don’t know what you are going through and how tough it might be to exist but I’m grateful you are still alive.
You are showing up for yourself in the smallest of ways:
You are waking up and showering.
You are willing to look decent.
You are getting yourself to school or work.
You are job hunting daily.
You trying your best to eat.
You try to speak kindly on yourself even when negativity resides in your brain.
You feel overwhelmed but are willing to give yourself a break from the world cause you know you need it.
You trying to interact with people even when your anxiety fights you all the way.
You’ve cried twice today but you still trying to go through the day.
You are doing this life thing.
You are finding ways to make this work even if you don’t understand why but you have hope.
You really are doing your best and I hope that every single day this week you thank yourself for trying to be present in life.
Nobody will know you true struggles, some are easier to express than others cause you can’t put your finger on it and until you’ve dealt with them just know I’m so happy that there is a spirit in you that’s keeping you here.
So I send you off with the biggest hug. May warmth and love surround you and may the darkness eventually turn to light.