I am writing this on my way to my last day in my current job.
Yesterday as I packed up my belongings one more time from my office desk I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of ‘this will be it soon’. Many people who have been with me through this first ‘proper’ job in the corporate sphere can tell you that this job almost wiped me out. Anxiety, depression and binge drinking were rife. I literally think back to that person and I can’t even recognise her, crying in bathroom stalls (almost daily) cause of how this office space was crushing me but you can read all about it in my previous blog post perfectly titleded “How corporate almost killed my soul.”
This post isn’t going to be gloomy at all, instead I am so, so grateful. The spirit of gratitude has taken over me, I actually cried last night cause the beauty of God in my life is something I can never get used to.
This opportunity came to me when I least expected it and it honestly built my character and revealed my own personal determination, perservance, will power and strength that was laying inside of me whic was dormant but is now active. It showed me excatly what I can handle (and that is almost anything) but most importantly what I will not tolerate anymore especially moving forward in my career.
It has allowed me to work in amazing projects which will have a life span after I leave today and has let me meet amazing people and granted me the privilege of calling some them my friends.
We tend to get so excited for the beginning of things and morbid towards the end of them and I wonder why?
Why don’t we celebrate the ending of chapters in our lives.
Endings should give even more joy then beginnings, they should remind us that a bigger door is about to open. New and better experienecs are going to be created and that we have a chance to shape things differently for our selves.
Now was I thinking this exact way about four months ago? Haha hell no, I just wanted this experience to be done with, but now as I am reflecting I can truly be happy with where I am right now.
Side Note: I have no “solid” plan yet cause I know we humans fixate on the “so what are you going to do next?”
I am going to take the next few weeks to honestly enjoy my life, I remember being scared to quit because well ; ‘I have rent to pay or it would mean I must go back to my home twon must and lastly I don’t have a strong enough CV’ were the thoughts that would plague me. Life and the world issues took over what I really , fear of disappointing my famil and myself took control but now the shackles are gone.
AND OH I AM EXCITED!
I know the door I want to open will be ready and waiting for me as I prepare myself and fully close off this chapter in my life.
I know my heart will be full of light and excitement again.
I know that after the next few weeks I will be more in tune with who I really am.
It wouldn’t be right to end of this post without thanking my family, friends, colleagues, social media (I vented alot on there and would always find people reaching out) and most importantly God.
I asked to grow and he put me in a situation where I thought I wouldn’t make it through but that pressure really made a diamond! It’s funny how when you feel like the world is tearing you down it is when God is trying to get you closer to him, trying to remind you who and what really matters and for that I can only thank him.
Lord, I just wanna be, rooted and grounded in thee.
Lord, place me.
Lord Jesus, place me, yeah.
I wanna be centered in thy will.”