“Are you saying no to me?” -turning rejection into a positive redirection.

“We regret to inform you…

“You are a great person, but I don’t…”

HOLD UP! They don’t love you like I love you! (as I passionately sing Beyoncé to myself to remind myself, who I truly am after getting the 100th email telling me I didn’t get the job or getting emoticons from a guy once I tell them I like them ).

I would like to think that we all have experienced rejection and how we deal with it or how we express ourselves in these moments is hardly really explored. We quickly try to shift over it and not deal with the feeling that has overcome us which is normally extreme sadness, a lot of questioning of one’s self, anger towards yourself and the universe and a feeling of being lost in that moment. We are instead gifted with the basic and semi welcomed uncomfortableness of those you love trying to console you.

I am currently job hunting again and well…I mean well my email is filled with some negative energy (ha-ha). I however realised a difference in my response to reading such emails in my current state of life compared to over three years ago. Rejection then, whether I wanted that specific job or not, whether I was even sure if I liked you enough to even want to date you would still hit me so hard.


I would over analyze why I was not chosen, question my abilities and be in a funk for a week. It would take a few no’s and my whole world would be turned upside. The Thando I am now can view a rejection email ( whic does sometimes still pull on some heart strings) but most times I just shrug it off and not in the way that I am not aware of what just happened, but I am seeing every no as me getting closer to the yes God has placed for me.

It so easy to take rejection and make it personal. Looking at it as an attack on who you are but what if we shifted our focus? What if we took that rejection as “maybe I wouldn’t be happy there, or I wasn’t going to grow more into myself, did I even really want that?” What if we took the time to question what the rejection can truly mean for us?

Can a rejection be a positive redirection?

As a human being I am programmed to want “yes’s “to surround me, I feel I deserve certain things because according to my time I should be at certain places. I didn’t even create myself, yet I think I have enough power to orchestrate when and what should happen in my life. It’s weird how we place so much power in our own hands and forget that a whole universe and powers above are also at play.

I have been at a point in my life where crying regularly at rejection emails became my life. Worship at church did not end without me begging God for a positive life changing sign because I FELT I couldn’t do it anymore, it would be untruthful of me to write this as if I wasn’t the angry and sad girl who felt beyond lost and saw no hope becuase I constantly got No’s.

But now I am wondering how do we build ourselves to handle rejection?

How do we truly prepare our hearts and souls for getting no’s to those things we prayed so hard for and thought they were ours?

Is there even a way to deal with it?

I think I figured a few things to keep in mind when rejection comes along:

  • Are you telling the universe / higher power what YOU think your life should be like or are you asking them if what ypu are doing is aligning to what they want for you? (It’s different to meditate/ pray for something you ‘forcefully’ want to happen over what they {universe/ higher powers} feel needs to happen for you and working in that vision.
  • Did you truly even want it? OR is your ego bruised just because you were not chosen?
  • Are you reaffirming yourself enough that other people’s “no’s or yeses” don’t move you? At the end of the day when yu sleep at night it’s what yu tell yourself and believe about yourself that you will manifest into the world.
  • What did the rejection teach you? Getting a no can either teach you something ,allow you to rethink how you approach certain situations or you can remain clouded in your emotions and not grow through it.
  • Are you fully aware of how you deal with rejection? There are two psychological theories I hope you have time to look up; Interpersonal Acceptance Rejection Theory (IPARTheory) and the Acceptance-Rejection Syndrome, the environment you were brought up in and how you interacted with authoritative figures could have an effect in your adult life and by taking time to deal with that could lead to a healthier outlook to rejection in your adult life moving forward.
  • LAST BUT NOT LEAST: It is okay to hear the word no. It does not take anything away from you. It does not mean you are less worthy but instead you are building resilience, you are learning to be more confident in yourself and not be swayed by others thoughts or opinions of you.

I hope I am not romanticizing the effect that rejection can have on us ( cause that is the last thing I want to do) just take this into account for almost every yes you have received someone got a no for the exact same thing. Life works on balancing out the odds, we just need to stay preparing for what is meant to be ours.



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