“So I am currently sitting in Blacknese about to go ham on a Tuesday special and decided this would be the best time to type out this piece. I am listening to I know_Pearl (dpat remix).
My heart has been thinking of past relationships for a while now those that have gone extremely wrong, those that were filled with love and ones where I still had so many questions as to why some things happened.
There is however one that has been popping up in my mind and literally essentially haunting my thoughts, it feels like I am going through the break up all over again except I am more fixated on the love I shared and still share for this person.
I write this with lumps in my throat cause in your mid-20’s you kind know which relationships are not worth going back to anymore , you have a sense of what is finished is finished but I haven’t had this with this human for over 2 years.
Having relationship problems without even being in one..2018 is a whirlwind.”
Fast forward to 08/01/2019 :
It’s crazy how I wrote that piece year ago and thought I was on my way to being done. I probably interacted with this same person at least a dozen times after and not intentionally, we’d see each other at the same hangout spots and next thing you know we together or my personal fav I see him with other girls and my mind decides to spazz and be extra emotional with him and not even care about my well being, my pride, my sense of logic.
I bumped into this person again recently with someone else and with the lovely assistance of dark drinks my mind went to it’s worse state.
I reached a stage last year where I googled soul ties because this attachment overpowers me in moments where I am around him.
I hate it with all my being!
I feel crippled by this emotion and even though I try and control it, I just never get the hang of it.
I ask myself why can’t this just stop? We both have moved on from each other before but why must we always go back to old ways?
I can’t spend another year trying to fight this off . It’s embrrasssing nd honestly its emotionally taxing to not know be done with someone you have no business being with.
You see the conversations we have had around this (the situation not situation) which took about wo months ago was left with a “don’t know when this will stop”.
L Well Sis it needs to cause you acting crazy.
I also think he is done with all of this but again my convenience of saying yes when we both aren’t thinking straight doesn’t help the cause.
Now to really sit down and figure out why I am still attached to this person and if I say I am realy tired of the back and forth then guess I need to buckle down and do the work to truly get over this, I think 4 years is enough back and forth.
This is not healthy.
It’s not conducive.
It’s not worth it anymore.
Not even one bit.
The bottom floor has a bassment and I am currently residing in it.
Pray that I see the light at the end of the tunnel , but all advice will be greatly appreciated.