“Don’t worry, God knows your heart”
It’s the beginning of 2018, time to get our resolutions down. I had no idea what I wanted, I had no idea what the plan was, one thing I knew was that something HAD to change. So, I took my cell phone, headed to the “NOTES” section (this is where I usually write things down so that I don’t forget them) and wrote down my resolution “For 2018 I want to grow, mentally, emotionally, wholeheartedly”.
At that time I can guarantee I had no idea what that meant, but that is what was in my heart, backed into a corner where everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. Every bit of hope I had diminishing and time running out. I had three things keeping me in Bloemfontein, school, my retail job and lastly a prospective relationship, first to go was my prospective bae turns out bae won’t be returning to Bloem anymore after what seemed like forever of courting “umuntu gone”. Secondly I had to beg my way back into UFS, after all those years studying there I don’t think any of those people wanted to see an appeal letter from me again, so that was gone. Okay, but I thought I still have a job, it might not have been the best job in the world but it was convenient and it was a walking distance from home, so all the money I made I got to keep it, I got a long with our manager too. So who could’ve predicted a new manager, new white racist manager? Yeah so I knew I couldn’t work there any longer because I was definitely going to lose my mind.
I had to act fast and being the impulsive person that I am all it took was a single argument with my mom to act. While I was crying about this ditch I am in one thing that kept popping up in my mind “You need a new environment, you can’t grow here”. I made the decision and in the middle of March, I packed my things and left. I was throwing away my freedom, life and familiarity but I knew it had to be done. A few weeks ago, I came across a Whatsapp status it said, “Life has a way of taking you away from people, things and environments just to show you who you are and where you belong”, instead of Life I choose to put God. That quote summarises exactly what happened to me, I do not think for a second any of those events were a mistake. Everything that happened was supposed to happen in that way, for me to be here.
I wish I could end this with me talking about what’s next and having a plan. All I know in the exact same way God put me here, he’s going to provide.
So, don’t worry God knows your heart.