Gratitude

Be Grateful Muthafuckers

I have to remind myself every day to be grateful. I have to remind myself that in fact, everything isn’t as shitty as it seems. Be grateful Rafieka. Be grateful for your breath, be grateful for your mind, be grateful for your voice, even though you think nobody is listening to you Rafieka – God does, God lives inside you and so be grateful.

For all of us to stay sane, we need anchors, anchors to hold onto because everything seems to be falling apart around us. Our dreams have faded into the abyss of our former selves, we killed it when somebody younger came along and did a better job. We killed it because we realised after all the screaming, clawing and pushing – it wasn’t our dreams after all, it was somebody else’s. It had been programmed by small victories and big losses which tipped the scale until eventually there wasn’t a balance anymore. When failure has sunken so deep into the flesh that all you feel is tired and unsatisfied, you reach out for your anchors.

         My anchor is gratitude.

I’ve read enough spiritual enlightenment books to know that according to Western spiritual philosophy and Deepak Chopra – the most powerful feeling or emotion, to pull your good things into your orbit, is Love. I disagree. I have climbed so far to the bottom of this life ladder that the people who love me couldn’t help me up, so my personal journey does not necessarily include love. However, I am grateful. I am grateful for my self, I am so fucking grateful for the people in my life and I am grateful for a chance at life.

Can you hear that, it’s my spirit talking.

It’s gratitude that allows me to hear birds singing and smile at their behaviour. Gratitude that tells me not to give up on this whole journalistic dream because man, real stories deserve to be told, front and centre. Gratitude that allows me to see that I am one with the light.

I mean love can be so fucky sometimes, like, Rafieka if you love yourself so much why the fuck you harming your lungs with this smoke, why you let people take you for a poes, why you sitting on this couch and not at a work desk, why you let your demons eat at you hunny? Why Rafieka?! But switch it up and be grateful.. I can be grateful that I’m not dead from this smoke, still kinda healthy despite this smoke and can actually afford to smoke… you feel me?

Love is imperfect but gratitude is whole and divine, it says to the universe that you are a speck but you are a wonderful muthafucking speck in this insane world. You brought yourself here to this point of your life, you took the steps to reach this juncture, you are responsible for your own demise or success. If you believe it’s because of the forces, then man be grateful for the forces, let it wash over you like a cold shower on a summers day in Vereeniging.

I honestly do not believe that God gives us more than we can handle. I have experienced miracles and I have experienced pain but I don’t think I would’ve experienced those miracles, as tiny as they were, if I didn’t allow gratitude to engulf me in it’s warm open arms. I wouldn’t need those miracles if I wasn’t so absolutely fucked at some point. I’ve gone to the edges of myself and come back in ONE WHOLE MUTHAFUCKING PIECE and that is a reason to celebrate.

Alhamdulillah.
Rafieka Williams.

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